Saturday, August 26, 2006

since i've bought my phone last year in dec i havent used the camera extensively since lijiang trip (partly cos i lost the cable for a while in june) haha. heres a pic of me and yingda when we were at vch for mep national concert, trying to act retarded. haha. thoughts about the concert were echoing in my head the whole of last night, i wud wake up in the middle of the night thinking the concert just ended, lol. withdrawal.

i've always had this thought.. what if one day i woke up, i'm 35, done away with NS, gone to uni to study and come out and.... i've got a job as an engineer, raising a family, and when i talk to people i say.. 'i've got a family now, i work as an engineer, and i drive a volkswagen golf R32 (lol) and oh, by the way, in my secondary and jc days i used to play the guitar.. i even made it to ATCL, never knew that did u.....'

its hard, the reality is slowly sinking in. im tired of reading about the people who get awarded arts scholarships and awards. im just like.. a wannabe.

i dunno if its just the cramped constricted singaporean mentality that we cant go far. that music is not a viable work option. that music is not serious. well i really dunno.

well anyway, surely greatness isnt measured by how famous u are cos u can play the guitar well. or whether you've got that cert that says ATCL Recital with distinction. i guess theres more to it. so what if people remember you. what are your chances of being remembered anyway. notice the number of composers we study as we go back in time diminishes drastically, from the vast range of 20th century composers to the romantic, to the 3 classical geniuses beethoven mozart haydn and then to the baroque period, dominated by a bach.

thats why i think its essentially more important for me now, to use my musical gift to touch others within my reach now. like i said, i've messed up so much during performances im numb to it already. i really wonder when i can perform at a level good enough to earn me even a consolation award at a competition.

thats why nxt year i hope to be more involved with guitar, with syf and all. my last year in acs. if i really cant make it to LTCL in half a year (thats if i even make it past ATCL in november) then so be it larh. play so well for what. whats important is that you've inspired others, changed their lives...

cos u cant really carry your guitar, or fame, or recognition, your 'rememberedness' or ATCL or LTCL or whatever degree into eternity anyway.


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