Wednesday, May 17, 2006

life. i could write pages and pages of essays on it and it wudnt be complete.

anyways just came back from guitar lesson again. things are changing really fast. my music journey is turning around.

haha the lesson started quite funny.. told mr choo i dint really practice much this wk so he just showed me some finale-generated studies to tinker around with. he dint even need to put in the notes.. the software just generates stuff. lol new compositional techniques. then he said something about this book of studies i have.. that if i played until the end of the 6th book i wud be able to PASS my diploma. im just nearing the end of book 4.. and i've been spending ages on it. haha.

aft tt he let me try a bach prelude which is part of a bigger LRSM work, which is in ATCL syllabus. quite nice if played in a slightly romanticised fashion. played a part of another exam piece im working on for him. then it came. was asking, almost correcting him that i wanted to take my ATCL this year, and he said i shud be able to ( :) ). then he added that if it is possible next year i take LTCL in the middle of the year. well thats one crazy statement. his rationale is that i'm learning like never b4 already.. and he said what other time in your life would you reach such a high playing standard. i was really taken aback.. i thought that the way i played my exam piece still had a long way to go.. but its the peak already?

then he said that in army, when you dun practice for 3 months, just 3 months, ur skills are devastated already. and it takes a year to reach back to grade 8 after NS? hmm. but then thinking again.. even he doesnt have LTCL.. onli mr gaspar our conductor has it. and thats kinda a scary thought isnt it.. to attempt a qualification higher than that of your teacher. while your teacher is still teaching you. then he was also talking about how you get disillusioned about music, when u read newspapers of someone who has 6 diploma passes with distinction even b4 he or she hits 18? the journey as a musician is definitely not easy.. and tonight i think i felt it greatest from my guitar teacher. the reason why he doesnt have LTCL is probably cos of his lack of time to practice.. after all he is teaching and teaching and teaching.. sourcing and searching for resources and finding new ways to teach.

then enters in the thought of what the working world would be like in the future for me.. so uncertain now but i can see that it does sap away a lot of energy.. like what has been and what is happening to a lot of people. back to the subject of me taking LTCL in the middle of next year.. altho it sounds really crazy, i am seriously taking it into thought. the more i consider the rate im improving now.. it doesnt seem so far fetched already. and i think mr choo knows whats best for me.. im sure he does look at me and joshua my sec 3 fren and see how early we are blooming and wishes he had a better start or a better teacher or something that would have helped his life as a musician earlier in life. like the way i look at joshua and see how hes my standard when hes 2 years younger than me. and he probably experienced the devastation of NS and the disillusionment already and is warning me in advance. i am finally understanding true musicianship.. but at the same time for one to become an independent musician there must be a break away from the teacher.. and i think that would be a really sad one for me.. after all.. me and mr choo have become such good friends....

sometimes i think.. u want to pursue music to such a high level, u want to go overseas to study, yet you want to retain and keep old friendships strong, find the girl of your dreams and keep your relationship with God and the church strong. are u asking too much, chen yi? but whats wrong with big dreams. even if my dreams are not fulfilled, i feel whats most important is that God's purpose in life for me is fulfilled. it does not matter if i do not study music in university, do not take the LTCL exam, do not pursue a career in music, do not get married (!!!). but what really can i take into eternity with me? onli my character and my soul. music, how big a part of my life it is now, will fade away too. and also another thing that counts is my influence on others that may affect them for eternity too.

Matthew 6:33 says: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.", and Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

the bible is really an inspiration for me and directs me in the right direction. Praise God.

preparation for LTCL exam begins now.

besides the point, more cds: buttefly lovers' vln concerto and huang he pno concerto, a copland cd and a random bizet cd. lol. anyway, im a fan of the first two already. cya.


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